Funny Quote

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All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.
~Robert Brault,


I thought about being born again, but my mother refused.


I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. ~Fred Allen


You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon. Need I say more? ~Chris Rock, 2003  [Eminem, Tiger Woods, Yao Ming; George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Colin Powell —tεᖇᖇ¡·g]


Did you ever have the measles, and if so, how many? ~Artemus Ward


Resolve is never stronger than in the morning after the night it was never weaker. ~From the movie Naked


Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. ~Colin Sautar


Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years. ~Author Unknown


You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses, and he wears a beret. He is French, people. ~Conan O'Brien, 2003


A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge. ~Robert Brault,


I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. ~Author Unknown


She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong. ~Mae West


If you cannot answer a man's argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names. ~Elbert Hubbard


If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? ~Author Unknown


She was what we used to call a suicide blond — dyed by her own hand. ~Saul Bellow


It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. ~Mark Twain


There are secrets I will take to the grave — and others I'd feel safer having cremated. ~Robert Brault,


Protect me from knowing what I don't need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don't know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen. ~Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless


Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer. ~Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless


If you teach your children nothing else, teach them the Golden Rule and "righty-tighty, lefty-loosey." ~Robert Brault,


I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. ~Elayne Boosler


Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. ~George Ade


An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. ~William Castle


If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me. ~Song title by Jimmy Buffet


Man was predestined to have free will. ~Hal Lee Luyah


Maybe this world is another planet's hell. ~Aldous Huxley


Murphy was an optimist. ~O'Toole's Commentary


The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless. ~Nicholas Chamfort


The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good. ~Robert Graves


The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. ~Douglas Adams


The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. ~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes


Today is the last day of some of your life. ~Author Unknown


Without geography, you're nowhere. ~Author Unknown


It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. ~Author Unknown


You can't have everything... where would you put it? ~Steven Wright


 sourc: quotegarden

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